Courageous Pathways is a non-profit formed for the purpose of supporting women who are in relationships that are harmful.

Christie came to The Broken and Beautiful for Storywork counseling and Spiritual Direction. She was chronically exhausted, perfectionistic, and frequently experienced thoughts that death would "be better" even though she was not actively suicidal. She would wake up tired even after sleeping a full night and felt that it was a chore to get through her days. She sought help from us because she had come to the only conclusion that felt good to her: she needed to figure out what was wrong with her so that she could feel better and be better for her family, friends and community. It really mattered to her how she showed up to the people she loved. 

Her primary reason for beginning with a professional at The Broken and Beautiful was because she kept exploding at her kids and wanted to be able to "get herself under control." She referenced this by saying, "I need to suck it up and be better." She also felt overwhelming urges to eat when she felt sad, angry or lonely. As we began to unpack the story of her life, we as her helpers, began to have questions about the dynamic within her marriage. For instance, she would report that she could not contact her husband while he was at work because it messed up his day to do so, yet there were times that she was left trying to figure out an unforeseen circumstance with the house or kids on her own. Then when her husband got home from work, he would be critical about the way she handled the situation. When she once tried to bring it up with him, he told her she was, "always so dramatic." 

Some women are taught that being kind and godly is to never need anything or certainly to never be angry. That indeed, anger is bad and that need is simply neediness or selfishness and exposes their lack faith.  Some women are even taught that they need to surrender every "bad" emotion or need "to the Lord" and be "satisfied in a relationship with him alone." It's stunning how well we can actually succeed in doing that using dissociation, fantasy and other means to remain functional without being loved or supported in our primary human relationships.

It can be deeply challenging, and indeed life altering, to consider the perspective that the reason for exhaustion, blow-ups and chronic pain, or any number of other symptoms, can be caused by a lack of ability to say, "no, I don't like or want that." Or, "I need you to stop hurting me in this way," and be heard and responded to in a loving and supportive way.

When this problem is chronic it can be necessary for survival to take the blame and therefore mitigate and deny the depth of harm that is happening. This kind of ongoing experience can certainly be difficult to spot and even may feel familiar. Sometimes we have a set up for re-experiencing harmful relationships because we've never found someone to see what we see, hear what we hear, and believe us.  

Very often people in harmful relationships have a sense of feeling "crazy" or being utterly confused. Often times they are told in no uncertain terms that they are crazy. It takes time and skilled help to narrate the story in support of the person being hurt because they have become convinced that they must be the problem or they have been programmed to believe that it is up to them to solve the problem.

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When harm in relationships is understood, there is help and hope, however not without intentionality. It can't change without support and support is expensive. We want to help in a practical way.

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Courageous Pathways will pay for a number of sessions with one of our skilled professionals at The Broken and Beautiful. The pathway to this assistance is by contacting Patria at patria@thebrokenandbeautiful.com or filling out the form below.